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Monday, April 24th, 2017
8:57 pm - Give me a memory I can use
Oh my goodness. I have to put this story out there, because whoa. So Eric and I have been debating Chloe's school system in part because he would prefer send her to our home district for the diversity. This is clearly a tiny portion of the pros to remaining in district, but it definitely has come up. I just enrolled her this morning in Grand Ledge despite its lack of diversity among other cons, so this afternoon's "girl meeting" that Chloe initiated is mostly irrelevant, but really awesome timing.

So Chlo's afternoon teacher (and this is the teacher she has had all year, because she only recently started attending mornings as well) was absent today and for once they had a substitute. So I pick Chloe up and she's all excited to tell me how they learned about shadows today and how she has SO MUCH to tell me about her day (which pretty much never happens). She's excited about the day and tells me it was a good day, but as we get into what she really wanted to tell me about, what she wanted to tell me was how she got super upset during afternoon recess and stopped playing with her best friend to go ask the teacher if she could go home because she missed me. The substitute teacher told her no and she proceeded to cry to the point of hyperventilating and sat on a bench until the morning teacher came over and told her to take deep breaths and that helped. So I interrogate her further and as the interrogation proceeds I get out of her that she might not have wanted to come home if she hadn't had a substitute. When I asked what was wrong with the teacher, she told me, "She was black." Um...WHAT? She repeatedly told me the teacher was black. Black skin, black face, black hair, black pants, black shirt. She didn't like all the black. Seriously??! Ultimately the more we asked her about it, she told us it was that she didn't like the black outfit, but she has never complained about disliking style before or color for that matter. So what the heck? Her best friend is black. Haha, that makes me think of the documentary I always showed before my TKAM unit that showed the governor of Alabama (I think) Wallace? saying how his best friend was a black man so clearly he wasn't racist. Anyway...she never talks about color. She is literally the only white kid in her class. So why now? I feel like something more must have happened, and I think she clearly got the impression from me that her complaint of "she was black" was not cool and also a speech from Eric about how we don't judge based on clothes or appearance, but wowza. It was a conversation full of me holding back laughter while simultaneously being shocked/weirded out. There's that immaturity again, I guess.

Eric's probably going to insist we continue to send her to Waverly now. More diversity training may be called for. Seriously though, not sure about this whole next school year thing. First it was whether she was even ready for kindergarten (and she may not be) and now it's very much where to send her. I'm not excited to spend 40 minutes or so in the car each day doing pick up and drop off, but I like the amount of playtime they offer at GL compared to our home district. Plus, as snobby (or in light of the post, racist) as it may make me, GL people are probably more my people than the people around here. But I don't really want to move and I also don't really want to do that drive for multiple years, so...we shall see.

current mood: tired

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Sunday, April 23rd, 2017
10:28 am - It matters how this ends, cuz what if I never love again?
I am for-real addicted to Adele right now. With a smattering of Meghan Trainor lyrics and some Sara Bareilles thrown in for good measure. Soundtrack of my life and whatnot. When I listen to Adele, I think of Emma Thompson's character in Love, Actually. Adele is my Joni Mitchell.

Eric bought me two t-shirts for Christmas, which is generally awesome since in looking over my wardrobe lately, I realize I still have a lot of clothes from nearly a decade or more ago that are in my regular rotation (hello bright yellow Columbia jacket from my UMich years!). Anyway, the shirts say, "Nasty Woman" and "9 3/4"--shoutouts to Hillary Clinton and Harry Potter. But I always feel weird wearing them. For one, if no one knows the reference for "Nasty Woman," they may read my shirt as my saying I'm not a nice person. And the number shirt...it reminds me of when I opened it and Jeri saw the two shirts and thought it was the meanest Christmas present ever. "Why would you say your wife isn't a 10?" So even though I could use new shirts and I get what they're saying, I'm hesitant to wear either in public on the regular. I like witty, but Eric's version of witty involves more thinking than mine, I guess, which makes sense, cuz he is definitely a deeper thinker than I am. Case in point, last night he told me he needed to work on a query this morning. I couldn't stop laughing over the word "query." So maybe I'm not so mature after all. ;)

In other news from last night, I registered Chlo last night for Grand Ledge kindergarten. Guess I will be a driving machine next school year. Hope we made the right choice.

If this is my last night with you, hold me like I'm more than just a friend...lalala...that song is in my head. A lot of the music I've been listening to or more specifically, music I've been drawn to, reminds me of Gato, which is fair because a lot of the music seems to be about past loves or wannabe loves or something. I've been thinking about him lately not in the angsty, desirous way I used to write about him and fixate on him but more in a reflective way. He's had some pictures on facebook lately of his time/life right now in Ireland, and he also just turned, I think, 40. And it's amazing to me, because I see his pictures and unlike so many of us, he doesn't look any different than I remember. Like he never aged. Same ol Gato. I was reading through my old entries and there was one where Stubbs said something about him probably being the same until he was 70 and too old to keep up with that lifestyle or something, and I suppose she was right. He is still up to the same things (drinking, not really working, galavanting, playing guitar, drinking). I see his pictures and it gives me a ping of memory, happy memory. I never would have fit with him in a sustained relationship, but I sure had a good time with him while it lasted even with all the drama that I created. He was definitely more than just a friend but definitely not a lover for that in the grand scheme of things, brief, but intense span of time we spent together. And yet now, he's just somebody that I used to know who appears to be exactly as I used to know him.

Haha, I'm working right now and Eric is in charge of the kids. Maeve is crying, Chloe is whining, and a line Eric used a few hours ago comes to mind, "Kids--can't live with 'em..." Sidenote- is there anything more adorable than a dad wearing a princess crown while playing with his spawn? Spawn--that word is disturbing to me. It's like what "moist" is to other people, I think. Gag.

I'm doing an 8-hour shift today and leaving this journal open, so this could get extra long...or I could end it right here and try again later if something crosses my mind. Word.

current mood: pensive

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Saturday, April 22nd, 2017
3:20 pm - Let me photograph you in this light in case it is the last time
So it's spring scoring time again- that time when I find myself glued to a computer with extra time for surfing the web for extended periods of time and so I end up reading old journal entries and reminiscing and mind wandering and whatnot. I'm also on probation for allegedly not doing something right during my last shift, so I probably should be more focused, but it's hard to do nothing but read and score and try to keep a slow pace without being engaged in other activity. So...I was reading my old entries, and I came across one about D-Day and stopping at a giant sex toy store and I commented that "maybe I'm too immature for sex," and that made me think that now, over ten years later, I think maybe I'm too mature for sex or something like that. Is that a thing? Gabacha visited yesterday, and we were talking about parenthood and getting older and how things change, interests change, etc.

Seems like I should have a zillion things to write about. My head is full of stuff lately. For one, it's spring, which is beautiful, but I hate sunscreen and I'm not really looking forward to weeding and getting the yard in order. But the sunshine sure is nice. Lolo is flirting with full-day preschool right now, so Maeve and I have lots of extra quality time together- kind of a sneak preview of next school year, I guess. Hopefully we (I) get our shit together by then and actually accomplish more in a day. Trying to decide where to send Chlo to kindergarten. Our district is more ghetto than I'd like it to be and more focused on rigor than play and less focused on safety. But the alternative involves a 20 minute drive for me twice a day and getting out the door earlier each morning. Will my laziness win out or will I decide it's worth the extra time and drive? To be determined. Pretty sure we have finally determined that she will at least be starting Kindergarten next school year, so that's progress.

I've been doing a lot more reading lately. I don't know if it's because we went on a road trip or if I've been slacking in other areas more, but I've been plowing through some pages. Right now I'm juggling three books. One is by Chris Bohjalian (who is my current favorite but whose books take me forever to get through). It's about a pastor who had an affair with a parishioner who was being domestically abused and now she's dead at the hands of her husband and the pastor is potentially accused of the murder. Book two is How not to Hate Your Husband After Kids, which is probably telling of how I feel some days but I'm reading it because I read a positive review and it's supposed to be funny, but really it just makes me feel better about the feelings I have and also I'm enjoying some of the research and looking for ideas to make our life together more amicable. Don't get me wrong- there is no hate there, just frustration. And book 3 is kind of funny in coordination with book 2, because it's one Jess gave me called Why I'm Not a Feminist or something like that, and it's about well...a self-explanatory title. But really the person is just against the label, I think more than what I associate with feminism. And so it's funny in conjunction with my book 2, because ultimately a lot of what makes the author of book 2 likely to hate her husband has to do with her not being a for-real feminist and getting disgruntled about situations that she herself created. I also just finished The Arrangement, which was about a married couple who decides to give each other a free pass to have sex with anyone for 6 months and then they'll just go back to the way they were...and obviously that doesn't work out. So,feminism, sex and affairs. That's pretty much what I'm reading right now.

And the subject line is, of course, Adele. I'm kind of digging on her lately. Late to that party, I guess.

current mood: working

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Saturday, February 4th, 2017
8:00 pm - I'm bringing "Let's talk about SEX baby" back
It's that time of year again now where I am working every night and am bored with the work and so also read my old livejournal entries and marvel at how immature or stupid or silly or I was. This means that 1-I now want to write more, so journal entries will see a short-lived uptick and 2-I'm all nostalgic. I miss the good ol days of AIM and waiting for someone to be online to talk to. Now everyone is always on facebook (or maybe that's just me) and pretty easily accessible. No intrigue anymore. Adulthood is a lot less fun than life in my 20s, apparently. Totally not surprising. And not sexy.

It's fun to read about back in the day when I was mostly concerned with what color my hair should be, taking baths, running, trying to drop the word "sex" casually as if I was some sexaholic (and pretty much always failing in doing so because I never really was), listening to music, shopping, and obsessing over some male or another (for that, I would happily go back in time to slap myself). In the words of one of the girls' tv program's songs, "That was fun, but now it's done." In short, I'm glad I lived those days, but I'm also glad to have found myself on the other side of that time. I miss the utter freedom of pre-children and pre-fullout-responsibility youth, but I would never wish to relive it. But maybe in revisiting my past I can become smarter and better equipped for teaching my two daughters to not be the silly skankslutwhore I aspired to be back in the day.

Anyway, that's why I'm writing. What I have to say, though...not much. I'm grading papers 8 hours a day all weekend and then 4 hours a night for the next two weeks. And it's also crunch time for the annual conference that I work the registration end of, so kind of my busy time of year. My parents are moving out next weekend, so that's new and exciting...for them. It will be weird and nice to have the house back to just us, but also more work on the parenting front. Pros and cons.

We took the girls to Home Depot this morning for a DIY workshop. Chloe and I made a valentine's photo box, and Maeve started one with Eric. Ha, maybe I need to give us all cool nicknames like everyone had at times in my journal back in the day. Chloe will be...Lolo obviously. Maeve will be...um...whatever, nicknames are so me a zillion years ago. We will be who we be. Anyway, impressed by Home Depot's organizing of these workshops. The turnout has gone WAY up since we started attending to the point that I had to sit on the ground to work with Lolo.

I just realized that it's been 10 years since I left Leesburg. Pretty much 10 years since I was a teacher. There was this video clip of the local high school teachers doing a dance routine to a variety of songs dating back to the 90s, and it made me nostalgic for those days of the past when I was a professional, but kind of an immature, undeveloped professional. I would have loved participating in the dance routine and would probably be out there even now as a more mature individual if I were still teaching. Looking back, I wonder if maybe I should have stuck it out in da Burg. I spent a lot of time complaining about being there, but by the third year, I had gotten things down more or less. It would have made a lot of sense to continue on and get my masters and more years under my belt and whatnot. Ultimately, it's probably great that I didn't stay, because I would not have the life I have now, but looking back, I was probably really foolish to move on when I did. I had a good thing going with summers off in Michigan and the rest of the year living the life in the land of sunshine and palm trees and making the money. On the other hand, hindsight is 20/20 or whatever the saying is, and how was I to know then that I would never again find a for-real teaching job? I left feeling like I was seasoned only to find out that no school in Michigan was interested in my flava. Ha! Anyway, most often I think it good that I am no longer in the teaching field and I typically have no desire to ever return to it, but reading back, I kind of wish I'd never left. Nostalgia, man, nostalgia.

current mood: nostalgic

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Tuesday, July 26th, 2016
8:14 pm - Boozahol, sweet boozahol
Holy crap...alcohol is a slippery slope. I have recently started imbibing again in a more serious way. Previously it was like a sip or two here or there, or I think, half a mimosa on Christmas...that kinda thing. But I opened a bottle of wine the other night and oh man do I want to drink the whole thing. It's soooo good. After not drinking for so long, it's weird to want to drink an entire bottle. In the past I probably would have just drank the whole bottle and not thought much about it, but now I feel guilty or bad yet really want to drink more. Shhh...I had two glasses tonight. And a glass of coke with spiced rum the other night and the same the day before...that's like five days in a row of drinking for me after a few sips every month or so. Falling off the wagon, apparently. Slippery freakin slope. =) I guess the actual gist of this is that 1- I feel good and better about living into the future (maybe). And 2- I still like wine...and spiced rum...and whiskey. Strange, right?

Also, Eric and I have started running again with the hope of doing a 5k in October, but then I started finding races that look awesome, and we have weddings to go to on every date of a fun-looking 5k. What's up with that? Maybe we'll run something in September instead? Side note- veganism and running appear to go hand in hand. This is the furthest along I've ever started a couch to 5k program, and it's not easy, but it's not killing me, and I'm plenty energized. Toot toot vegan horn. Other side note (ha, this is my first entry on wine in FOREVER), in breaking with veganism, I had Dairy Store ice cream today...leftovers from the girls that were melting and taunting me. Newsflash--though I love cashewmilk ice cream, this dairy stuff was pretty fantastic as well. =)

And in still other news, I did something new last night and watched the democratic convention thingy while I worked in lieu of watching reality trash tv...and I actually even paid attention mostly. I wasn't super impressed. I wanted to be convinced that voting for HC is the way to go, but I didn't feel like any of the speeches were particularly endorsing of her. I almost want to watch more tonight, but mostly I want to sleep. Sleep wins every time over politics. For sure.

current mood: happy

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Wednesday, July 13th, 2016
8:32 am - Before Midnight (and my birthday celebration)
So I finally (I've been wanting to see it since I read it was coming out) watched Before Midnight, the third installment of the movies with Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke and lots of talking that I started watching when I was teaching in Florida. It wasn't the best movie I've ever seen, but I would say that the trilogy of films is in my top 10 movies ever viewed, though I don't actually have a list like that in mind, so maybe if I actually thought about it I'd have 10 other films I enjoyed more. Who knows? What I do know is that I liked it. Eric didn't like me watching it so much, because this one was different than the others. What was the same was the banter and free flow of conversation that drove the film. What was different (at least from my vague memory of the first films) was the inclusion of additional characters and the fact that the two main characters were not entirely happy and in love anymore; there was arguing and name calling. Eric joked that maybe I shouldn't be watching it, because I keep teasing him about our upcoming seventh anniversary and the "7-year itch" and to top things off I've been devouring books by Elin Hilderbrand, which all seem to center on marital affairs. But, spoiler alert, the characters in the movie essentially work things out (for the time being) in the film, so it was all good...though as with at least one of the previous movies, I'm not so sure where the two will go from where it ended; the lady character seemed to have some deep issues with their union. Anyway, it's all good in Eric and my hood; I'm just on an adultery in fiction kick, not interested in the actual thing. That said, I told Eric we should go back to our initial tradition that never became a thing of buying each other gifts for anniversary that are tied in to both the modern and traditional theme gifts, but 7 years is wool/copper and desk sets. If someone got me wool and a desk set for our anniversary, I would totally have a 7-year itch. A desk set? Really? And wool? C'mon! So we'll be doing gifts Ange-style instead, which is obviously going to be much better. =)

So yeah, I wanted to write about the movie because I wrote about the previous one or two back in the day, but I got nothing. It was good, but probably not as enjoyable as the first two. The part that most stuck out for me, and I feel like maybe it's a story I've heard before, is when this Greek woman at dinner describes the difference between the masculine and the feminine by telling a story from her mother who is a nurse who deals with patients just coming out of a coma. And her mom says that the first thing every female does upon coming out of a coma is ask about her family whereas the first thing a man does is look down at his penis to make sure it's ok. Priorities. I probably enjoyed it more in the film because I enjoyed the Greek and other European accents.

Since I don't have much to say about the movie, but I actually have time to type...I will write about this past weekend. My parents took the kids so that Eric and I could go to Ludington, but Ludington was pretty well booked by the time we looked into it, so we pretty much had a staycation (to use a these-days word I kind of loathe). We started at Gun Lake Casino where I spent my $10 birthday "gift" from the casino on espresso shots and cookies and then lost $60 to the slot machines quite rapidly while Eric guzzled Guinness at 9:30 am. From there we hit up the Downtown Market, which I've been wanting to visit forever but never seem to make it to. We got vegan pizza at Rocket Pies (yum!), my birthday scoop and another of vegan ice cream at Love's (amaretto cherry for me, blueberry lavender for Eric), and a bag of kettle corn (soooo good!). Then we headed home and rented videos that we haven't been able to get forever due to a dead dvd player, but E got me a blu-ray machine for my birthday, so Trainwreck, Sex Tape, and Before Midnight came home with us. We went to dinner at Soup Spoon Cafe and then came home and drank a delicious sparkling wine from Trader Joe's while watching Trainwreck. Oh yeah, we went to Trader Joe's while in GR as well. And I'm drinking again these days(some); it's nice, and I foresee myself being a regular ol' boozaholic before long (probably not really, as I imagine the fear will always kind of be there). And we played some games, which was also nice. Then Sunday we mowed the lawn (Eric), cleaned the kitchen (me), cleaned our bedroom (me), did laundry (me), and then went out to an early, and incredibly delicious, dinner at San Marcos in Hastings with my parents and the girls. The weekend wasn't long enough, but it was really good. We slept til 10 on Sunday. Bliss! But now back to the grind.

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Sunday, May 29th, 2016
10:26 pm - Whatcha gonna do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk
That lyric pops into my mind a lot lately but mostly jokingly, because I have literal junk in my trunk most days. Oh so many trips could be had to Goodwill. Right now my trunk is full of old books to donate to the library if I ever get out that way and feel inclined to lug the books inside. I'm equally likely to have a garage sale and then end up donating them to Goodwill. Time will tell.

I was going to bed at 10 tonight. It's closing in on 10:30; Eric is still grading, so no point in going to bed yet. Just hoping Maeve doesn't wake up at 1 tonight/tomorrow morning like she did last night/this morning. I would love to spend the entire night in my own bed without a child in my lap. That would be bliss. That and getting my hair cut. I REALLY need a haircut. So much hair. It's going to end up being an annual thing: getting my hair cut.

Chloe's last week of preschool is this coming week. Kind of excited for that and kind of freaked out about not having somewhere she spends her afternoons more often than not. Especially since Eric is changing professions and won't have the summer off to help with the kidlets.

My former roommate Grace posted this crazy video of herself talking about knowing how she has 3 kids and how she "loves every second of it" (which she repeats several times throughout the rant) and here's my confession: I don't "love every second of the crazy." I miss freedom. I love my kids. I just miss the freedom not having them to take care of gave me. But I don't really like relinquishing their care to just anyone, so...alas, I love them more than my freedom. But I don't love every second. For reals. (Stubbs, since you are the only one likely to read this, you need to look up Grace and watch her video just so you can know what I'm referring to and also to tell me what you think of her Southern accent because Jess says it's totally normal to pick up an accent after living in the deep South for years and especially when you're super empathetic). So yeah, kids equals no freedom and lots of tired and nothing getting done to my liking. End of that story.

Sleep equals coming soon; Eric Jon is ready for bed.

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Saturday, May 21st, 2016
9:41 pm - My lap is on fire
It is so hot in here...particularly with this laptop on my lap...top. I am scoring lead tonight so I will keep this short before returning to my shift (I'm on break, so this post is a legit use of time). So, hmm...it's been a few days. Today was somewhat productive. Chloe had soccer this morning. She's been sick all week and was running a low fever this morning, but soccer has been cancelled the last 2 weeks and she wanted to play, so we acetaminophened her and off we went. Her team is sad. Only 5 kids showed up, I think, and of those 5 only 3 or 4 ever wanted to actually play, so even when she was tired and wanted to sit out, Eric encouraged her to play goalie (which she REALLY didn't want to do) so that there wasn't only one kid out there for her team. It was more of the usual kids falling all over and the goalie having to fight with ones who wanted to also grab it with hands. I think she just kind of got a crap team in that her coach doesn't do any drills or any real encouragement to play and several don't show up each week and the ones who do show up don't want to play. The other team wasn't greatly better, but they at least looked organized. Maybe she'll have better luck next season. Eric is thinking of coaching (because he had some good news on the job front recently and thinks he will have more time for that kind of thing).

I mowed the lawn and listened to my throwback jams on my iPod and felt old but happy. Then Eric put air in my bike tires and I rode around the block with the hope of eventually putting a kid seat on to tote someone with me, but alas, we lost some of the parts to the kid seat on our way back from Boston, so...I don't know. Also, my bike apparently no longer really changes gears and probably needs a brake job, but I survived, so it's probably ok. It turns out that riding a bike after several years is indeed just like riding a bike, easy-breezy yo.

I give up on this heat. I just took my pants off. Pantsless shift for the last two hours. It's only weird because I'm in our living room and my parents are visiting. Otherwise, no biggie. I shut the curtains. And my mom is in bed and my dad is watching tv with Eric, so...it's all good in the hood. Other than the fact that I'm still hot. Literally hot. En fuego. And tired. Hot and tired.

current mood: hot and tired

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Tuesday, May 17th, 2016
8:36 pm - Me so tired
Have I used that subject line already recently? That's how out of it I am. Both girls are sick. I've been working every night for awhile. I have a bunch of work I need to do for MIAPT too, but I can't find time to do it. I volunteered to help Eric bring vegan food for some presenters at school tomorrow, but I don't feel like cooking...particularly for people who I don't know and will never know. I can't keep up with anything lately. So tired.

We're supposed to get to go out on Thursday night for the first time in forever. It will be exciting because we get to go out, because I will be drinking for the first time in a long time, and because I don't have to work that night. But, my mom was going to babysit and she's sick now, so...we shall see.

Chlo had a fever today, and I let her go to school anyway. I'm an awful parent. Then again, I'm guessing she got whatever she has from there, so...am I that awful?

So maybe my bring back livejournal writing movement that wasn't really a movement wasn't really a good idea. I have no energy or time for writing right now. Or nothing to vent about, I guess.

Oh, Chloe needs glasses. There's some crazy news. 3 and needs glasses! Poor kid. But she's excited about it...and adorable.

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Tuesday, May 10th, 2016
2:02 pm - You can tell me when it's over if the high was worth the pain
Ugh. I am so tired of cleaning the house (and it's not even remotely clean, so that's super sad). This is my day so far. A day in the life of a mother of a 16 month and 3.5 year old.

Go to bed at 10:30 (?) because my shift was miraculously cancelled last night. Chloe wakes up in the middle of the night twice. Both times I go in to find her needing first her stuffed frog (he'd fallen out of bed) and second blankets which had fallen to the end of the bed. She is so lazy in her sleep. =) Then Maeve was up just before 6. Maeve and I curl up in the cinnamon chair (color not scent) to watch Dora aka I pseudo-nap while she drops Cheerios all over my lap with Dora on in the background for an hour. Chloe gets up around 7/7:30...it's all a blur, so she got up at some point. More Dora, more cereal, made oatmeal for Maeve which is all up in her hair and on the floor, made toast for myself that both girls ate, made coffee for myself and it got cold before I got to it, etc. Breakfast finishes with Maeve's second poop of the day. It's 9 am. Move to the living room. Chloe wants to play Spot It! so we fling cards all over the floor while Maeve runs amuck. And by amuck, I should probably note that Maeve has somehow acquired one of the Wiimote numchuck things and has the cord wrapped around her neck off and on as she runs from room to room dispersing all my kitchen utensils and toys with small parts. We have naked barbies everywhere or so it seems. We literally only have maybe 4 barbies or Barbie-ish dolls, and they are all naked with limbs askew. Bizarre. Try to get Maeve to nap at 10 because she keeps coming up to me to cuddle/scream bloody murder/cuddle. Almost have her down and Chloe comes running upstairs to see what book we're reading. It's loud and Maeve is now crying. Leave Maeve, take Chloe to her room to pick out some clothes, come downstairs and start to take care of dishes. Maeve is still crying. Check the laundry. Still crying. Get Chloe something else to eat (my kids are bottomless pits). Still crying. Give up. Go upstairs with Chloe to retrieve Maeve/get dressed myself. I'm brushing my teeth and Chloe is jumping in the crib with Maeve. Finally retrieve Maeve. She has more poop. No wonder she was crying. That's poop 3 and it's not even 11 am. Sort through some clothing in Maeve's room while Chloe bounces in the crib and Maeve tries to climb her walls. Come downstairs and get lunch ready. Crackhead soup for the kids, a veggie burger for me, a smoothie for Maeve (and Chloe if she'd ever drink a whole one). Chlo wants my veggie burger, insists she must have it. I make myself another one. Chloe no longer wants my veggie burger or her noodles or the smoothie. She's under the table...again. Maeve is happy as a clam with her two glasses of smoothie (hello future poops) and bundle of noodles. Somewhere along the line she also amassed a giant pile of stickers stuck to the bottom of her shirt. Start getting Chlo ready for school. She gets blood on the sleeve of the shirt I just washed yesterday so she could wear it today because her nose starts bleeding while I'm running around upstairs looking for sticker earrings because she lost one of the two I was putting on her as I was doing her hair. Apparently she scratched her nose and gouged it open. She's devastated about the shirt, says she's having a "sad day" through tears. We're late for school. Get Maeve back in the car in the rain and drive to Kroger for groceries. She falls asleep on the way there. Fricken-A. I need her to sleep so home we go. Successfully get her into bed, start some lentils for dinner (who uses canned lentils in recipes?) and call about the chips in my windshield and start some laundry and get the dishes all out of the sink (mostly). I deserve more coffee, so I grind some beans. FUCK! Maeve is awake. It's 2 pm, and that's my day thus far.

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Sunday, May 8th, 2016
10:24 pm - Happy Mother's Day
So it was Mother's Day today, which has in recent years become my favorite holiday next to Christmas and my birthday. I love that it comes before Father's Day so I can gauge how nice I need to be for Eric. This year, I don't have to do much. I slept in yesterday until my phone rang around 9 and then again today til a little after 8. Amazing how the definition of "sleeping in" changes as we get older. That was the extent of my mother's day treats, though I guess you could also throw in the fact that he let me watch trashy tv and do nothing for a few hours after I got up. He even did the dishes a bit and vacuumed under the dining room table. Woot.

We went to Meridian Mall for the afternoon to let the kids enjoy the play area with Eric while I shopped for some much-needed new clothes. But I hate shopping. It was one of those days. And the play area was packed. Eric saw Izzo there, so that was fun for him. Chloe and Maeve enjoyed sharing a lemonade from Auntie Anne's and riding on a carousel. But mostly we just chased kids and bought nothing. I really need to have a successful shopping outing one of these days, because my clothes are all so old. I could also really use a haircut; I think it's been over a year. From the mall, we headed to Whole Foods because I was excited to see what the new store had to offer particularly in terms of vegan goods, but all we bought was a tiny pack of frozen veggie burgers. I almost bought some cheese from the dairy alternative section, but it was a fakeout and contained casein, which is kind of a huge point of being vegan, so glad to have read the label. Then discovered my parents were at our house, so we hurried home. No side trip to Starbucks for this mama. But they did bring me some uber-delicious smelling coffee beans, so win there.

Overall, just kind of a letdown of a day. I don't know what I really expected other than maybe a little forethought from Eric on the gifting. I made and bought cards and gifts for both of our moms with the kids. He purchased cards while out with Chloe today and didn't ever even address them. Sometimes it feels like there is a lot of people putting out there on facebook how awesome all their stuff is, how much their husbands and kids treated them today, etc., and it makes me grumpy. Ultimately it wasn't a bad day, but it didn't really feel special, and I was kind of hoping for that. Then again, the sleep was super nice.

And now I have one hour left in my shift and I shall return to sleep.

current mood: blah

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Friday, May 6th, 2016
9:47 pm - Me so tired
I had things I wanted to say, but I'm too tired to function right now. I drank coffee at dinner to try to survive my shift tonight, but I really just want to go to bed. Maeve hates us; she hates sleep. Last night was rugged. Tonight's not going so well either. So some random tidbits...

Eric caught a squirrel. First day and he caught one. Woot?
My parents almost bought a house in Kentwood, but today it fell through. Sad for them, but good thing they found out its flaws now instead of later.
Chloe's soccer got canceled for tomorrow. Sad face. Especially sad because I drove back from Wayland and then discovered the cancellation. We could have pontooned it up or at least not done so much driving today. Oh well. Bygones.
Scott stopped by tonight during dinner and made Chloe's evening.
My head hurts. Literally.
I got nothing else to say.

current mood: exhausted

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Wednesday, May 4th, 2016
10:22 pm - Everybody knows...I'm just barely getting by
Don't know why that particular Dixie Chicks song is in my head, but that's what's there right now. I'm kind of jonesing to go see the Dixie Chicks when they're in Michigan next month, but me and money, man, not easily parted. Soooooo tired today; it was a long one.

Maeve had two doctor appointments today: one for more allergy testing and one because I finally decided something must be up with her having 5+ poops a day (tmi?). So Eric took the day off to go with specifically to the allergy testing, which is nice, but I let him sleep in and Maeve got up way too early...with poop...go figure. Spoiler alert: pediatrician says nothing wrong, just do the probiotic thing. As for the allergy appointment, I have the hardest time with Indian accents, and the allergist has a ridiculously heavy accent (for someone who has been in the US for decades). I also really don't understand why when we go in there at their request/to get results/to have testing done, both the nurses and then the doctor have NO IDEA why we're there to the point that the doctor comes in the room, asks why we're there, then leaves to go read her chart. Eric chastises me for being irritated at that, but I think it's freaking weird. Why wouldn't you read the chart before entering the room? Why appear as though you have no clue? There is so much I dislike about that office. And we have to go back at least two more times: for peanut challenge and cashew challenge. She is definitely allergic to walnuts and pecans, not to almonds and brazil nuts and some other nut (pistachio?). Anyway, stupid appointment in a way, because we pretty much already knew that. So more bloodwork and pokes for not a lot of news. Poor Maeve. Upside of that office was their lending library or whatever it's called. I was just thinking last night how I should read Hillary Clinton's book from a year or so ago so that I can be sure that I like her as much as I think I do, and lo and behold, the book was in the library, so new book for me. Woot!

Speaking of politics, holy crap did facebook blow up political blah blah blah last night with the solidification of Trump as the Republican candidate. Yuck. Both to the candidate and to all the items in my feed. Random political sidenote, I came across the project we did in 8th grade about ourselves, and in it we had to write a where will we be in 20 years paper or something, and I had predicted that Wells would be the first female president in 2010. Ha! I also was going to be in congress, having completed a degree in poli sci at U of M. Then I was to marry and have 2 daughters. Well, got the marriage with daughters right, and I suppose also U of M. However, I HATED the one poli sci course I took.

Chlo got her spring pictures at school today. I hadn't wanted to have her get them taken because I didn't want to be tempted to buy some, so I let her dress herself and put her hair up all messy and told her she didn't have to do it, but she is apparently at a stage where she LOVES having her picture taken (even over going outside to play on the playground), so pictures arrived today and I, as predicted, got suckered into buying one. What a racket. The picture takes all of a minute to take and they prey on parents' adoration of their children to pocket major money. And I fell for it. Ugh.

The animals are still at it in our wall. Every time I hear it, besides cringing, I think of this book I read about some paranoid guy who punched holes through his walls and had all sorts of traps and whatnot because of the sounds that weren't really there. But this is for real; others have heard it. Yet no one else seems as disturbed as I am by it. So gross. Wish it would go away. Eric bought a trap. We are probably just a few steps away from the crazy in that book I read.

Seems like I had more I was going to write about, but I am exhausted with another hour to go before my shift ends. I only had one coffee and it was early this morning, so that's probably why. Word.

current mood: drained

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Tuesday, May 3rd, 2016
1:19 pm - You can work from home
Thanks Jess for posting about this song on Facebook prompting EricJon to play it from his computer in the other room and now getting the song permanently implanted in my brain for the evening. I also get a mental visual of the video now every time I get the song in my head, so that's a bonus.

I'm sitting here eating an avocado, salsa and black bean sandwich and drinking an iced soy latte with an extra shot from Biggby (both super tasty), and that makes me think how much life has changed in the last year. Look at me drinking extra caffeine and eating vegan! Last night I took a bath, and I swear every time I get out of the tub I think about the night I came home from the hospital and thought it was a great idea to take a bath and Eric had a really hard time getting me out of the tub (literally, physically). Man, it's good to be alive...and to be able to bathe myself and climb into and out of the tub with ease.

I need to be cleaning the house right now, as Maeve naps and Chloe schools, but I sooooooooo don't want to. Yay livejournal, thanks for being a tool of procrastination still today.

I was going to write last night, but I got booted from the project I was working on. As much as I wanted to be done with that one (I hate scoring tests that have multiple criteria and too large of point ranges, but also I hate making half the money for working twice as hard), I hate failure. I got kicked out of the system for having too many non-adjacents even though my stats were really strong and my non-adjacent percentage was 95.7% (the cut-off was 96% and they don't round up apparently). Anyway, I got to take a bath and go to bed early, so that was nice, and I wanted to be done scoring that test, but...like I said, I hate failure.

Tonight I get to score lead for a change of pace. I think the pay for this one is mildly not so good as well and the effort will be more than lately, being in charge and all, but I do like to lead sometimes. Once in a long while. It's also a math test instead of writing, so that will be super different. Brain don't fail me now.

It's Teacher Appreciation night at Chipotle tonight, and since it's Eric's probable last year being able to partake, we were going to go. But I have all the ingredients to just make our own and the girls don't seem to like it (sadly), so...torn between wanting to go easy and take advantage of a good thing yet wanting to use up some of the stuff in the fridge and actually have a dinner we all might eat. Thinking about Teacher Appreciation week made me think of my times in FL and how nice some students and parents were and so I took Chloe out to get gift cards and chocolate for her preschool teachers today. No matter how small the surprise is, I think we all like to be appreciated, right?

On our way to Target to pick out gifts, I was quizzing Chloe on what things I like so she would know what to get me for Mother's Day (see who I'm really talking about when I say "we all like to be appreciated"?), and it was amusing as fuck (to use a Gato-ism that just popped back into my mind). Random sidenote, having recently perused journal entries and started thinking about people from the past, several catchphrases popped into my head the last few days. Among them, "bull butter" and well, it's eluded me now, but some other Jay-ism. Anyway, back to Chlo...so she thinks my favorite drink is lemonade, my favorite food is salad, I don't eat candy, and she doesn't know what kind of things I like to wear or read or play. I thought for sure she'd guess right on the coffee, but no dice. She did, however, nail my favorite color, so there's that.

Well, I should probably get to work. And now that song is in my head again.

current mood: lazy

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Sunday, May 1st, 2016
8:45 pm - I can't keep my hands to myself
So it's time to find out if returning to writing in livejournal is like riding a bike. I feel like I'm bound to be a bit rusty, but having just spent the last several nights reviewing old entries of my own and of friends, I kind of like the idea of documenting my current mindset in an easy format that can be looked back upon years later. Plus, it's not really super live anymore, since no one uses this site anymore...to my knowledge. Maybe it's time to start a movement to bring back the good ol days with all the moping and heavy drinking and talking about sex as if it was really all we ever thought about (was it really?). Of course livejournal today would be all marriage and children and stories of adulting in general. That's what this is going to be about no doubt. So here goes...what's on my mind this evening...

Boobs! Seriously, boobs are on my mind lately. I am SOOOOOO happy to be done with nursing Maeve and just done in general. My boobs are forevermore my own. I'm so happy to be able to take any drugs I want as needed with no thought to dangers for the babe (goodbye allergies! hello Claritin!) I went through my bra collection last weekend and have to get rid of pretty much everything I currently own, which means bra shopping (which I hate) but also is exciting, because it means my boobs have settled into a happy, more normal, non-freakish size. Yay boobs! Maeve has generally adapted to being off the boob pretty well, though she now likes to stick her hand down my cleavage when I'm holding her like my boobs are a security blanket or something. That girl is going to be interesting when she gets older, mark my words.

I have been working like crazy lately. I do at least one 4 hour shift every night and sometimes work two jobs simultaneously or cram in up to 12 hours of scoring. Money is great, and I love feeling like I have some talent and actually using my mind and actually working and, to be completely honest, I especially love having a break from the responsibility that is the kids. But...even though Eric is awesome at putting the girls to bed and playing with them in the evening hours, the dishes and laundry pile up when I'm not able to do them at night, and it's stressful trying to get dinner on the table before a 5:30 shift. So working kind of sucks. I wish Eric was as awesome at multitasking as I am...or even better at it. Ha!

We have animals living or at least playing inside our walls. Seriously! There is from time to time (at some point each day) scratching like crazy going on inside the wall in various locations of the house, but often concentrated in specific areas. Eric saw a squirrel go into a space in our garage, so we assume it's at least one squirrel but sometimes several. He's not home all day most days, so he is less disturbed by it than I am, but I am really wondering why he's not more inclined to make it go away, whether that be fixing the problem himself or insisting I call someone or calling someone himself. I really hate home ownership a lot of the time. And I often wish I hadn't let Eric convince me that a fixer-upper was the way to go; he is not motivated enough to handle a fixer-upper, and I have never claimed to be skilled with tools.

Oh my, Salted Caramel Cluster cashewmilk ice cream from So Delicious is SO DELICIOUS! Now if only Coldstone would come out with a vegan line of ice cream, my ice cream addiction would be complete.

Ha, my cousin just posted on her Pure Romance page that May is national masturbation month. I'm skeptical of that claim, but that reminds me of the book I'm reading right now. I checked it out from the library, so I assumed it was not particularly smutty, but it's actually really good, like 50 times better than 50 Shades good. I think it's called 30 Days in case someone reads this and is wondering. But then again, I could be completely wrong about the title. My brain doesn't remember/note much lately. I'm all caffeine all the time to function since I've been working all these night shifts and Maeve gets up at 4:30 each morning (no longer nursing didn't change that sadly).

I was thinking I would need to change the title of this journal to Let's Talk about Life or something like that, since I am not much for talking about sex any more than I really ever was back in the day, but here I've gone and written about boobs and a "trashy novel," so maybe the title is still appropriate. Next post can be all about dirty diapers and paying bills, and then I'll re-visit the title change. =)

OK, this is getting longish and I should probably re-focus my attention on scoring. But hey, it pretty much was like riding a bike.

current mood: restless

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Monday, August 22nd, 2011
6:53 pm - classic conversation with Eric Jon
I just had gotten home from getting a haircut.  Eric arrives home from the library. 

Eric: wow, you got a lot cut off.
Me: What do you think?  <ruffling my new short do>
Eric: It's ok.  Not the worst of the series, but not the best.
Me: <crestfallen> really?

Thoughts flash thru my mind at warp speed.  How can it be a series when I only get my hair cut every six months?  Eric hates my hair!  I didn't think this was a bad haircut. Am I going to have to shave my head?  

And then it dawns on me that when he said "series", he wasn't talking about a progressively bad series of haircuts; he was talking about something entirely different--the book he just picked up at the library.   That's how rapidly subjects change in our household.

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Monday, July 4th, 2011
8:57 pm - Happy 4th--a day of amusement, mostly at E.Jon's expense
Things that have amused me today:

-Eric's collection of everything he's ever received in writing, ever written, etc.  A packrat husband and a wife who reads anything and everything she gets her hands on is a recipe for all kinds of humor.  Favorite findings included a magnet with a built dude and Eric's picture on his face, a pamphlet entitled, "How to Help Your Kids Say 'No' to Sex," love letters/postcards from multiple girlfriends, and his collection of Magic and Christian music magazines. 

-Sign in Jeri's apartment complex that read, "Pets and fireworks do not mix."

-News brief in the Lansing State Journal (LSJ) titled, "Inmate sues over lack of pornography in jail" about a 21-year-old dude in Macomb County Jail who is suing both Michigan and Gov. Snyder for denying him access to porn.

-Coming across Eric's baby collection while going through his things.  Apparently his mom is also quite the keeper.  Had not seen for real baby pictures of E before, and man, that baby had a full head of hair.  How adorable!  He looked just like a baby version of his current self...go figure.  =)  There was also a picture of him going up the stairs as a child with his pants pulled down just past his cute patoot...a pose I know well.  Some things, apparently, never change.

In other news, cherry wine and chocolate molten cake is a delicious combination...as was the Texas Tea concoction I had at Cheddar's earlier this evening.

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Friday, July 1st, 2011
12:58 pm - A new month, almost a new decade...time to get back in the swing of this thing
So I turn 30 in a few days...ay!  I'm not really that bummed about being 30 so much as that it's a new decade and it came up quicker than I expected in that I've been looking forward to summer for what seems like forever and here it is already almost half over and I don't feel like it's really been summerlike yet.  If that makes any sense at all...

I'm supposed to be cleaning right now or working on the house in some way, shape, or form.  I should've been writing all these months that we've been working on this place, because it's been one giant, interesting adventure and now we're well into it...shall I venture to call it being on the downswing?  Probably not there yet.  Almost done installing laminate, ready to order up carpet, living here finally, hosting dinner parties already, and doing a load of laundry right now.  Progress.  Waiting for E's mamacita to call me up so we can go get pedicures in honor of my upcoming 30th.  So much to do...and soooo lazy.  Our 20 yard dumpster was picked up today, so our driveway is back in fully parkable order, and now our garage is pretty clear inside, so maybe someday soon we can park in it?  Wow, this is a super random post.  Stream of consciousness.  I always wondered if my journal entries got more boring and more poorly written once I left college and no longer was required to think on a regular basis.  And that probably is true.

I started looking at my journal this morning after a conversation with V yesterday afternoon about birthdays in which she asked me if birthdays were always a big deal in my family...if that's why I'm so into them.  It never dawned on me that anyone wouldn't value birthdays the way I do.  So that got me thinking about my past birthdays and I could only remember the last few, and then I thought maybe back when I wrote in this mofo I had actually written on my birthday, and lo and behold, I pretty much had.  There was a lot of beach and a lot of drinking involved.  My favorite entry was probably the 2001 entry in which I was in the UP with Doyle and had just discovered that the yooper accent was not a myth, and I spent a portion of the babbling self-centered entry writing about 1- how awesome I am and 2- how little there was to do in the UP and why would anyone CHOOSE to live there.  Good stuff.  I also was taking a math class at the time and feeling really stupid, because it was all jocks and I had failed the entry test, so...things I had forgotten about.  Mental block and whatnot.  =)  There was also a really nasty post on one birthday in a drunken state in which I bashed a few people pretty intensely and I really should block or delete that post, but it's there all the same.  So yeah, drunkenness and the beach...and occasionally porn...that's the theme of my birthdays in the past decade.

Aw, I'm listening to cds from my collection today as I "work," trying to figure out which ones can really just be trashed, donated, etc. and I'm listening to Old 97s and thinking that yes, this one can most certainly be gotten rid or, but then this song comes on.  Songs and memories...ah.  The Question...brings back the good ol, much-written-about (to the point that in reading/reminiscing I question my sanity) Gato days.  I fell in love with that song when he and Phil played it one night back in the day...must have been...2003?  The rest of this cd, though, really sucks.  I think I need to add "The Question" to my iPod and then rid myself of the cd.

Well, this has been a rather unfocused first post, but it's a start.  Off to try to finish up cleaning our master bedroom and packing to head to Hopkins for a bit.

current mood: restless

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Monday, December 27th, 2010
4:00 pm - 72
Forever... by Jude Deveraux

This was a book my mom gave me to read and it took awhile for me to get around to reading it all.  It was about a psychic chick who could make people do things with her mind...I guess another way to put that would be that she could control people with her mind.  And she gets hired by a guy who is tracking down a witch who killed his family.  It was super unrealable, but I eventually finished it.

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Thursday, December 2nd, 2010
10:11 pm - 71
Goodnight Nobody by Jennifer Weiner

This book was about a stay-at-home mom living in a ritzy neighborhood and hating not being involved in the world who discovers one of her neighbors dead and begins to investigate.  It was interesting because it was so down on motherhood.  Nothing in the book really made motherhood seem appealing.  It was like the woman in the book thought she was a failure at being a mom and maybe was to some extent simply because she didn't really seem to care what her kids were doing or feeling or whatnot.  Other than that, I liked the book, though, because I was curious to see how things would turn out.  Sadly, one piece of the puzzle was left unresolved.

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